An interesting development

If you google "pajamas pooping flap"... I come up in the results, not once... BUT TWICE! I feel like some kind of footsie pajamas super star. Should I be embarassed? Because I can't help but feel proud that my life has led up to this moment...

I'd like to thank all my fans who made this possible! /wave wave, kiss kiss

Unsolicited Uterus Update 2011

Well, I guess its about that time again. Time to stop blog stalking everyone I know, so that I can tell you about my uterus. And find an excuse to posts lots of pictures of myself. Because I'm cocky like that... or shall I say... WE are cocky like that. Me and my little fetus, who we'll call... Fyodor.

I'm 22 weeks pregnant, my friends! And get moodier and more swollen by the minute. Sexy, no?!

So, little Fyodor (who doesn't have a proper name yet, because boy names are impossible to decide on) came into existence in the shadows of the Grand Tetons. Because who WOULDN'T want to be made near mountains named after big boobs? I mean seriously.

Anyway, don't we look like a couple of happy shmucks who have no idea how moody one of them is about to get??

Yeah, I'm not sure how Hippy got lucky in that hat either.

Moving on. So I'm sure you'd like some bump pictures... so here are a few for you:

FIRST! This is my Halloween costume from this year. Its a little lack luster, I know... but it was a fun way to mess with the neighbors and let them in on my little secret. Also, awesome because I made it with a little masking tape and spray paint. What CAN'T you do with spray paint... I mean REALLY. And yes, I realize that using spray paint that ONE TIME will probably make my fetus come out looking like a monkey... but who doesn't love monkeys?!?

Look at that HUGE 3 month bump I'm sporting. Yeah, I'm just barely starting to pop... but I took some pictures of my bump for you. So without further ado:

Here are Fyodor and I... just lounging around... you know, being secret agents. No big deal. IN MOAB!

Yeah, I thought that face was a sexy-face, but it appears that its actually my feeling gassy and confused face. They are similar apparently.

And this last picture is for my mom. Cheers to you, Grandma! (No, I wasn't really! Calm down!)

On a more serious note, I have had a great pregnancy so far. I felt queasy, but never puked in my first trimester. My skin is being lame but I can live with that. I haven't been nearly as tired in the past couple of months and really... the only thing that drives me nutty is the moodiness. I mean, I get pissy and sad over EVERYTHING. ALL THE TIME. I'm like the really mean roommate on every season of The Real World. But, just like the hyper-emotional teenager who I feel like... I'm just going to keep telling myself that someday I'll grow out of it. And hope that I'm not a big fat liar.

Oh, and I'm seeing a midwife! I'll still deliver at the hospital, but I'll get to work with the midwives, who have an astonishingly low c-section rate, and encourage all of the natural birthing shenanigans that I'm totally on board with. And yes, if I whimp out, I can still get an epidural. But look at those pictures above again. Do I LOOK like I need medication?! Wait, don't answer that.

This should be an exciting year!

I'll try to post more as I get all huge and odd looking. <3

Oh Summah, how I've missed you!

Its been so warm and nice.

Because of this, there have been sharts and crafts galore! I've done a few little projects, a couple of which I bothered with pictures of... and then we've been painting the house in hopes of looking less like a meth house. It sure does make a world of difference.

ANYHOW...

This was the beginning of a hopefuly project called "Spray painting a shower curtain to be more like Banksy." Suffice to say, it didn't turn out. There was spray paint EVERYWHERES! But look how cute the stencil is. Seriously. I'm going to try again. Maybe.





Also, as previously lusted after... I found a little bench to remake for my vanity. Well, technically Laughter found it in a dumpster, but whatever.








After


Do you think that Jones could have looked any more pathetic? Can't you just hear him saying, "This is so unfair. UNTOWARD MOTHER, UNTOWARD!"

Following this, there was MOAB!!!

Hippy photoshopped a whole slew of pictures at hippopothomas.blogspot.com. You should go look at them. They're perdy. DAS END.

Grabbin' spring by the bulbs

Oh Spring! How I love you!




We spent the weekend outside, weeding and basking in the sun. It was nice. Jones and Mooch sat in sunny patches of grass and soaked up the sun, like tiny loaves of bread being baked to perfection. And who doesn't like fresh bread? Am I right??

But anyway, I also antiqued my vanity. I use the term "vanity" loosely. Its my entry table that I use as a vanity... because while I would just lerrrrrv to have this lil' beaut:



It costs a lot. I'd only spend that much money on wigs, booze, or strippers... and this is none of those things. (Mom, I'm just kidding. I really meant that I'd only spend that money at Seagull book. True story.) In any case, this vanity was super cheap. I think Laughter picked it up for like a nickel. Or $15. Same thing. And then I spray painted it. And thus began my new addiction to spray paint. Here is a picture of my vanity, as a baby, getting its first taste of paint.



So then I painted a bunch of antiquing glaze on it and wiped it off, and spilled a little all over the garage floor... and SHA-ZAM!





I think its slightly less barbie-chic now. And what a charming place to put on wigs before heading to the strip club!

Next, I'd like to spray paint a padded piano bench to go with it. That way, it could scoot right underneath the vanity, and I could keep my nail polish and spare Cadbury Creme eggs in the hidden compartment. Besides, look how charming this is:



Anyway, this post is pretty much all for one of my cyber-stalkees, Mandi Swinson? Swanson, Slippy, Slappy. Oh yeah, samsonite! I was way off! Or...Tremayne. Yes, thats it. This blog post was going to be an email to her, about how I made due with an entry way table instead of a vanity... but then I got excited about the new antiquing glaze. And Mandi, its not that impressive, I know. But all I'm saying, is that if you do some epic mirror, and have a sweet girly little stoop with it... then it could work.

Jones agrees. And he has spot on fashion sense:

Cadbury Creme Eggs

I couldn't think of a good title for this post, so I just my fingers glide across the keyboard and let my subconscious take over. Hmmmmmmmmm.


Credit

So anyway, I sure don't post very often, eh? Well shoot, I've been super busy. You know, picking my nose and watching reruns of Alias. But seriously, I really have been up to a few things lately... let me show you.

So we finally got to destroying the abomination that was our downstairs bathroom. I don't have many awesome "before" pictures because I was in a hot rush to rip it down... but let me highlight its finer points:

***Moldy Carpet (WHO puts carpet in the bathroom?!?!?! FOR SHAME.)
***Old cabinets that were impossible to open and smelled like old people.
***Powder blue sink/shower/countertop.
***Shower stall only large enough to comfortably bath KAREN CARPENTER. Yeah, I went there.

Small bathroom is small. Also, hard to photograph.



You can kind of see the whole linoleum/carpet thang below:





Also, speaking of the shower... it was the only one in the whole house when we moved in. The previous family had 8 people in it. EIGHT. And one tiny Karen Carpenter shower. Oh, and 5 towel bars in one bathroom. WHAT?? Yeah.

In the end, we learned that the reason for the carpet was the asbestos tiles hiding under it. I called and shot the sh...um, poop... with the Bountiful Health Dept, and they gave us all sorts of tips for the project. AND THEN I RELEASED THE BEAST!!



After demolishing, we rebuilt. We cut holes in walls and then patched them. Textured. Painted WHITE WHITE WHITE, but only because with the brown paint that was in there before made it feel like a dark, damp, lil hole. Then we put in the following cheap things:

Tile: left over from previous bathroom remodel, with the addition of some darling baby tiles.





Vanity: On sale at Lowes. The faucet is from The Restore. 5 Bucks. No, seriously.

(Yes, I know what white balance is. No, I don't know how to use it.)





Lighting: $10 yardsale wonder!





Pivoting mirror: $10 D.I. wonder!! ANNNND it reminds me of this Pottery Barn beauty that starts at $180. I love being a cheapskate.



Oh... and last picture... I made this cute curtain out of some ikea fabric.



Anyway, you aren't allowed to see the other side of the room yet. We haven't done anything with the shower yet. Its just nakey. But we are just excited to have a bathroom downstairs, on the same floor as our bedroom. Cuz needin' to pee at 4am and holding it because its cold and you are tired is BAD. REAL BAD.


OHHHHH MAN. I am super bored with my own post already, so I think that means I'm done now. I just like over-sharing, plus I have friends who don't live nearby, so I like for them to see the super awesome stuff that I never thought I'd have the skill or motivation to accomplish. I mean, I learned how to fix a running toilet this weekend, for crying out loud. Fo real.

Word to your mother.

For my valentine

Once upon a time, I married my best fren!





And we had all kinds of silly fun together. But mostly, I convinced him to dress up in really silly costumes, like ALL THE TIME!

... like matching footsie pajamas at Christmas. I mean, how cute is that?!


...and as my favorite pirate friend, Capt. Hipwarrrrr.

But one of my favorites is when we were Ladythugs:


After which I passed out on his sexy ladybug self(while he played some DS, naturally).



And we've had adventures of all kinds through the years:

(Whiskey Creek, Kentucky)



(BFE, Oregon)

But mostly... my greatest adventure was marrying Hippy. Every day just gets better <3

(Colter Bay, Wyoming)

Happy Valentines Day, Hippy. I love you.

And to all my friends reading this: I love you too. But in a less sexy way. xoxox

2011... already pretty bitchin'

You know, I always think that I live a pretty mundane life until I look at it in retrospect. In reality, this month was fairly eventful and overall, pretty satisfying. I hung out with fun friends, neighbors, and siblings and even had enough time to buy some new eyeballs! Who'd a thunk?!

So lets get some picture action going on. Lets start with January 1st, since it seems like a good place to begin our journey. Elba, Hippy and I went to Lava Hot Springs to ring in the new year. It was both random and awesome. I just love small towns. Silly phrases like "open container laws" and "being of age" just don't seem to exist!


Lava is lovely. But the air was so cold, that being in the warm spring was only semi-bearable. It was about 1 degree at all times (not joking) so even when your body was warm in the springs, your face was screaming "uncle." We hit some dive bars, and did some dancing, but my favorite pictures are from just hanging out. Like when we used the boob padding from my swimming suit as gas masks:



Or when we realized that our "hot pools" bracelet looked a whole lot like it said HOT POO.


And just for funsies, here is a picture of Hippy and I... looking all cute after eating a crapload of pizza.


Anyway, so after that... I came home and had my eyes replaced with fully functioning mechanical eye balls. Oh wait... thats a little lie. So the real story is that I had PRK. Its a surgery similar to LASIK, but instead of cutting a little flap in your eye, lasering, then replacing the flap... they put acid on your eye to dissolve the surface and then laser your eye, then leave you in writhing agony for days. Its not pretty. But totally awesome. Don't worry, I did my research and felt like PRK was healthier for my eye in the long run... but it was a crazy weird experience. I don't want to go on forever about it... so let me just give you a little feel for it.

For starters, I honestly thought they'd black out my vision, or at least shoot me with a tranque gun first. But NO. I was stone cold sober as they numb the surface of my eye, put crazy eye clamps in my eye, dissolve the surface of my eye, and prod at my eyeball endlessly. Its like being a fish in a tank as you watch this blurry action happening above you... and yet you can see everything and feel it (in a not painful, but very irritating way). Ugh... it was nuts. You just stare at this blinking light above you and pray that your eye won't flinch involunarily, because you know that if the laser misses its mark, you'll end up with an eyeball dangling helplessly from its optical nerve on your cheek. Okay, maybe thats a SLIGHT exaggeration, but it didn't feel like it at the time. It was a scary 10 minutes. But seriously, it really was only 10 minutes for both eyes. Crazy fast. Anyway, so I had a painful couple of days while my eyes healed, but after a week... I was feeling just fine. And my vision is getting better and better, every day.


Thats me with my awesome eye shields on. Not too crazy, eh?

And this is me now...

ITS A FREAKING CHRISTMAS MIRACLE:


I R THE BEST SEE-ER NOW EVER.


And anyway, since then I've been able to get all crafty and stuff. Its pretty awesome. For example, I refinished a glider/rocker. It was in rough shape when I got it for a whopping 5 bucks at a yardsale, so I painted it and made new cushions for it. Nice, right?


AND I saw THIS BLOG which made me feel all artsy, so I did this:



Pardon the glare, but its the cutest dandelion wall EVER. Well... unless you look at the woman who made the tutorial's wall, but lets just pretend. Its on my bedroom wall, next to our bed. I like to think of it as Hippy and I... standing strong in the winds of lameless...

Anyway, thats all I have to blog about for now. I am looking forward to February for 2 reasons: Valentines Day mushiness, and we started demolishing our basement bathroom, so I'm super excited to get that remodel going on. Anyway, thats all for now. I hope that all of you stalkers are having an equally awesome January. And if I don't talk to you within the next couple of weeks, WILL YOU BE MY BALENTIME?!?! <3