A real human being

...and a real hero, a real human being.  

I'm listening to the Drive soundtrack right now and this songs seems to echo my mood.  Sometimes I consider myself rather robotic in my span of emotions.  I typically bounce between annoyance and contentment.  Nothing radical.  However, being a mother has added a depth to my emotions that I really hadn't anticipated.  I couldn't not love this little boy if I had to.  I feel empathetic to the Nth degree.  His triumphs are some of the best moments of my life.  Its just unreal how connected to a tiny  person (who doesn't even know how to use a toilet) you can feel.  I'm sure this is not a new sentiment.

Anyway, Fodie's first birthday is next month and he still isn't sleeping through the night most nights.  I've decided to change up his sleep habits for his benefit.  I want him to sleep through the night and wake up when hes ready.  Usually I get up and nurse him in the early morning, just so that he will pass back out and we can both sleep in.  However, because we sleep late, he usually only fits in one nap per day and is soooo exhausted by early evening, at yet its always too late to fit in another nap.  It seems that most babies have 2 naps/day for the the first 2 years or so.  Anyway, so I've decided that I'm willing to wake up earlier and try to fit in 2 naps and give fodie a later bedtime, if needed.  This may seem like no big deal, but messing with the sleep pattern that was HELL to establish in the first place, is nothing short of terrifying for me.  In addition, last night, hearing him call out to me at 4:30am and having to ignore him was heartbreaking.  He isn't one to cry at night... but he whines loudly until I come nurse him.  Sometimes, if he doesn't seem that into it or if hes only been asleep for an hour or 2, I'll let him put himself back to sleep and he always does without too much effort.  Its just not a big deal.  And yet doing it in the middle of the night, when I'm used to getting up, was so so hard.  I'm guessing that it was unpleasant for Fodie... but not totally foreign to him.  He was probably just annoyed that he wasn't getting his way.  There probably won't even be any emotional damage to report to his therapist in later years.  AND YET... it was hard.  Hopefully this whole process isn't too painful.

In other news, I'm still decluttering the house.  I've lost my momentum, and yet am still make progress slowly, so I'm okay with that.

Also, I'm wearing yoga pants and now listening to Enya.  On a scale from 1 to Dugger, how mommish is that, d'ya think?

Anyway, I'm done.

Here is a picture of Fodie's mouth hole being injected with water as to prevent dehydration.  Beep bop boop.

Two week-ish follow up

I'm not very good at staying off the internet.  Its just so addictive.  I honestly crave the instant entertainment.  Also, I'm like 99.3% sure that its completely ruining my attention span, one Harlem Shake video at a time.

Anyway, suffice to say, I haven't been staying off the internet... not by a long shot.  However, I have been trying to avoid the sites that demand constant attention and suck out my soul.  I still check my facebook every day, but I've stopped checking it every 5 minutes.  I'm hardly exaggerating either... it really is hard not to check in every 5 minutes, especially after you make a post update and want to see how many "likes" and comments of affirmation you were able to pull in.  Also, reddit still sucks my soul out on occasion, but I try to put some thought into avoiding it rather than spending hours clicking from post to post... for all ETERNITY.  

Hippy recently suggested that we kill the internet at the house for a while so that we can re-sign-back-up at a lower rate (if we aren't able to simply talk them into giving us a better deal without cancelling, that is).  I got ALL SORTS OF PISSY (in all caps even) about it because it'd be soooo boring around here without it.  I'd have to leave the house.  Check out books at the library, rather than download them.  I'd have to watch the bajillions of movies that we have on our computer rather than mindlessly watch HULU.  Yeah... I'm really really starting to think that it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.  Isn't it crazy that my first reaction is absolute outrage that Hippy would suggest such madness?  Its like when my parent's computer crashed and my sister (I won't name names in order to protect she-who-rolls-with-spikey-hair) had a melt down over her lost internet bookmarks/cookies.  It shouldn't be that important, but we sure do make it important.

While I've been trying to stay off of certain websites, I've been spending time on websites that, I feel, are a smidge enriching.  Specifically, one called theminimalists.com.  I stumbled on this site after chancing upon one of their free ebooks.  I don't always love the authors... They come off as pretty full of themselves (but don't all bloggers, just a little??) but they have had some pretty profound points.  Here are a few that I've been thinking on:

*Make a list of things you should do.  Next, replace the word "should" with the word "must" and then actively follow through.  Until you do this, you have a list of things that you will never do.  You are "shoulding all over yourself."  

*Declutter until you feel relieved not to have so much STUFF.  Really, this is my interpretation, since they take it to a super extreme.  But look at these pictures of their old loft below and then tell me that that kind of simplicity don't tickle your nubs a bit.  Anyway, I have heaping boxes of stuff that we will be yardsaling this summer.  It feels good, man.

*Ask yourself: What am I afraid of?  This applies to throwing out some old crap that you were given as a gift 10 years ago, but also applies to walking over to the neighbors to spend some time together during the day.  Obviously, both things are harder than they sound online.  Usually the answer to the question is, "I'll look like a wiener."  But really, I look like a wiener hanging out by myself all of the time, surrounded by a bunch of old junk anyway... so I have nothing to lose.

Ummmm, I think I've reached the end of my attention span.  Fodie is needing attention.  I think we might go for a little walk.  But I'll leave you with those pictures that I promised.

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