A real human being

...and a real hero, a real human being.  

I'm listening to the Drive soundtrack right now and this songs seems to echo my mood.  Sometimes I consider myself rather robotic in my span of emotions.  I typically bounce between annoyance and contentment.  Nothing radical.  However, being a mother has added a depth to my emotions that I really hadn't anticipated.  I couldn't not love this little boy if I had to.  I feel empathetic to the Nth degree.  His triumphs are some of the best moments of my life.  Its just unreal how connected to a tiny  person (who doesn't even know how to use a toilet) you can feel.  I'm sure this is not a new sentiment.

Anyway, Fodie's first birthday is next month and he still isn't sleeping through the night most nights.  I've decided to change up his sleep habits for his benefit.  I want him to sleep through the night and wake up when hes ready.  Usually I get up and nurse him in the early morning, just so that he will pass back out and we can both sleep in.  However, because we sleep late, he usually only fits in one nap per day and is soooo exhausted by early evening, at yet its always too late to fit in another nap.  It seems that most babies have 2 naps/day for the the first 2 years or so.  Anyway, so I've decided that I'm willing to wake up earlier and try to fit in 2 naps and give fodie a later bedtime, if needed.  This may seem like no big deal, but messing with the sleep pattern that was HELL to establish in the first place, is nothing short of terrifying for me.  In addition, last night, hearing him call out to me at 4:30am and having to ignore him was heartbreaking.  He isn't one to cry at night... but he whines loudly until I come nurse him.  Sometimes, if he doesn't seem that into it or if hes only been asleep for an hour or 2, I'll let him put himself back to sleep and he always does without too much effort.  Its just not a big deal.  And yet doing it in the middle of the night, when I'm used to getting up, was so so hard.  I'm guessing that it was unpleasant for Fodie... but not totally foreign to him.  He was probably just annoyed that he wasn't getting his way.  There probably won't even be any emotional damage to report to his therapist in later years.  AND YET... it was hard.  Hopefully this whole process isn't too painful.

In other news, I'm still decluttering the house.  I've lost my momentum, and yet am still make progress slowly, so I'm okay with that.

Also, I'm wearing yoga pants and now listening to Enya.  On a scale from 1 to Dugger, how mommish is that, d'ya think?

Anyway, I'm done.

Here is a picture of Fodie's mouth hole being injected with water as to prevent dehydration.  Beep bop boop.